WNBA Game Paused After Neon Dildo Flies Onto Court
Kai Montgomery here, and honestly, I can barely stand to talk about this nonsense, but someone had to spell it out. Late in the fourth quarter of Tuesday night’s high-stakes WNBA clash between the Atlanta Dream and the Golden State Valkyries at College Park’s Gateway Center, an overexcited fan lobbed a neon green adult toy onto the hardwood, forcing referees to halt play. It tied the score at 75 with just under a minute remaining, turning a serious playoff-style atmosphere into a sitcom moment straight out of TMZ’s wildest reels.
This isn’t the kind of “spice” any coach or player asked for, yet according to TMZ and the WNBA’s official social media feed, the plastic pleasure product descended from the upper stands just as Golden State was setting up for a crucial basket. Initially, the refs had eyes on the ball, not the dildo, so play continued while the crowd roared. One timeout later, however, officials realized cleaning this thing off the court took priority over almost anything else.
A lone police officer was deputized for the cleanup, standing over the rogue sex toy like it was evidence from a crime scene. Video clips shared on social media show her draping a towel around the offending item before whisking it away, followed by murmurs of disbelief from fans in the front rows. This, mind you, is not the first time a so-called “thrill stick” has intruded on pro sports. Bills versus Patriots games used to see similar stunts, but we all assumed the WNBA crowd had better taste.
For context, both teams had played a tight, defense-heavy contest up until that point. Golden State’s star guard was dancing through screens and burying mid-range jumpers, while the Dream’s forwards were crashing the boards with textbook hustle. With one minute on the clock and the score deadlocked, nobody expected an object more at home in a bachelor party kit to interrupt championship-caliber basketball. Yet here we are.
Despite the distraction, the Valkyries regained focus, drilling two free throws in the final seconds to emerge victorious, 77-75. Atlanta’s coach later told reporters she’d never seen anything like it “in all my years of coaching,” per a team press release. Players on both sides shrugged off the incident afterward, calling it “weird,” “lame,” and “completely unnecessary,” but admitted they were glad to keep the game honest once the floor was clear.
This event raises questions about venue security and crowd control at major sporting events. If fans can rain novelty items onto the court with ease, what’s to stop more dangerous projectiles in future games? The WNBA has pledged a review of fan-conduct policies, according to a statement on its website, so expect tougher bag checks and perhaps stiffer penalties for tossing random objects.
All right, I’ve had my say. Stay tuned to see if the league actually follows through on promises to tighten security or if this remains yet another bizarre footnote in sports history. What’s next—half-time dog shows featuring runaway poodles? Keep your eyes open.
Final score: Valkyries 77, Dream 75. That is all.
And that, dear reader, is why we can’t have nice things.
Sources: Celebrity Storm and TMZ, WNBA Official Social Media
Attribution: Creative Commons Licensed
