Summer Soiree Secrets Revealed: The Ultimate Party Planning Cheat Sheet

Oh joy, it’s that time of year again where people insist on throwing parties in the blistering heat. Because, you know, nothing says “fun” like sweating through your outfit while pretending to enjoy small talk. As a grumpy guru, I’m begrudgingly here to share the essentials for hosting a summer party that won’t completely embarrass you.

Let’s start with the obvious: keeping your drinks cold. I mean, it’s not like you haven’t figured this out yet, but apparently, some people need a refresher. A sleek ice bucket is a must-have, and I’m not just talking about any ice bucket – I’m talking about one that’s stylish enough to not completely ruin the aesthetic of your party. And while we’re on the topic of annoying things, let’s talk about bugs. Because, of course, summer means mosquitoes and other pesky critters will be crashing your party. It’s not like you can just use citronella candles or something; no, you need actual bug spray. And not just any bug spray – I’m talking about the kind made with aloe leaf juice, coconut oil, and jojoba seed oil. Because, you know, your guests’ skin is more important than your party’s Instagram-worthiness.

Moving on to entertainment, because, apparently, people still need to be told what to do at parties. A portable speaker is a must-have, and I’m not just talking about any speaker – I’m talking about one that’s water-resistant, because, you know, pool parties. And if you’re feeling extra fancy, you can whip out a card game or two. I mean, it’s not like your guests have better things to do than play Never Have I Ever all day. And, of course, you can’t forget about the kids – they’ll need something to do, like an outdoor game or two. Because, you know, you can’t just leave them to their own devices and hope they don’t burn down the house.

Now, let’s talk about food and drink. Because, apparently, people still need to be told how to set up a charcuterie board. A bamboo cheese board is a great place to start, and I’m not just talking about any board – I’m talking about one with tiered levels and mini utensils. Because, you know, your guests will appreciate the extra effort you put into making their snacking experience Instagram-worthy. And, of course, you’ll need some stylish glasses to serve your drinks in. I’m talking about shatterproof, reusable champagne flutes – because, you know, you don’t want to be responsible for a bunch of broken glass.

And, finally, let’s talk about safety. Because, apparently, people still need to be reminded to wear sunscreen. I mean, it’s not like you’ve been hearing this your whole life or anything. Supergoop! sunscreen is a great option, and I’m not just talking about any sunscreen – I’m talking about one with two levels of SPF. Because, you know, you can never be too careful when it comes to protecting your guests’ skin.

In conclusion, hosting a summer party is a lot of work, but with these essentials, you’ll be well on your way to throwing a soiree that won’t completely embarrass you. Just don’t expect me to be there to help you clean up the mess.

Sources: Celebrity Storm and E! Online, NBCUniversal Checkout
Attribution: Creative Commons Licensed