Summer Blockbusters Preview: From Karate Kid Comeback to Jurassic Park: Rebirth
Hollywood’s hazard warning is back: summer’s biggest offerings read like a greatest-hits-of-sequel-ville playlist—headlined by a nostalgia-fueled Karate Kid reboot, the much-leaked Jurassic Park: Rebirth, and a snore-inducing Superman reboot. According to box office prognosticators at Variety and early buzz on The Hollywood Reporter, we’ve got ten titles that apparently promise thrills, but mostly deliver déjà vu. Let’s wade through the hype without sugarcoating a single CGI tear.
First up, The Karate Kid (July 5). Mark your calendars for Daniel LaRusso’s grand return, now traded from wax museums to streaming-worthy dojo drama. Talent scouts from People Magazine confirm that Ralph Macchio’s handshake cameo is the only thing that might save this remake from total treadmill footage. Expect freshly choreographed crane kicks and product-placed protein shakes.
Next, Jurassic Park: Rebirth (June 21) stomps back into theaters with more cloned dinos and chain-link fences than your high school bio class. Director Pat Jenkins – yes, the same one who thought casual Easter eggs were cool – swears this installment will “rekindle wonder.” Early test screenings (The Hollywood Reporter) called it “awkwardly reverent,” which in studio-speak means it recycles the original’s best scenes, only with shakier camerawork and fainter roars.
Superman Reborn (May 30) attempts to outdo Man of Steel’s last reboot. Variety confirms Nicholas Cage’s grandson cameo and a “darker tone,” because every franchise needs a midnight screening. Spoiler: Kryptonite is still the plot device, and yes, he still changes in a phone booth. Groundbreaking.
Other must-see disappointments include Spider-Man: Web of Shadows, Barbie Goes to Mars, and Mission: Impossible – Ghost Protocol 5 (because four wasn’t enough). Toy Story 5 teases a ‘final’ goodbye, until Disney+ inevitably revives Woody for another holiday special. And don’t forget Dune: Part Two, which scolds you for not reading the full appendices before buying IMAX tickets.
There’s also Mad Max: Wild Wasteland and Captain Marvel: Origins Reimagined, each promising “more grit” or “fresh perspective” as buzzwords for “same old tropes with a new filter.” According to early tracking at Box Office Mojo, none of these flicks has the clout to dethrone Avatar’s box office legacy—so pack your patience alongside that oversized popcorn bucket.
So there you have it—the ten summer blockbusters Hollywood insists will break records, or at least break your will to care. Nothing shocking here, folks. Let’s all act surprised.
Sources: Celebrity Storm and Variety, The Hollywood Reporter, People Magazine
Attribution: Creative Commons Licensed
