Luka Doncic Seals $165M Lakers Deal, Jet-Streams to Backstreet Boys in Vegas
I’m Sage Matthews, that night owl doomscrolling while the rest of you are blissfully asleep, muttering “Of course this happened.” And as if the cosmos needed more proof we’re on a one-way trip downhill, Luka Doncic agreed to a three-year, $165 million extension with the Los Angeles Lakers on Saturday, then immediately jetted off to Las Vegas for a Backstreet Boys concert at the Sphere. Seriously, why wait for celebrations when you can contract-sign and boy band-sing in the same 24 hours?
Leaked videos on TikTok show the 26-year-old Slovenian phenom and Lakers president Rob Pelinka belting out “I Want It That Way,” arms raised like it still matters whether anyone actually wins a championship. The Sphere’s LED walls pulsed overhead while thousands joined in, proving that even in an era of constant crisis we’ll never tire of 90s nostalgia.
In the same VIP suite alongside Doncic and Pelinka sat Ashton Kutcher and Mila Kunis, because when your squad inked a deal big enough to fund a midsize nation you might as well invite Hollywood royalty. TMZ confirmed their presence, though it turns out star power only heightens the absurd spectacle of lineup changes on and off the court.
A quick count of Lakers brass on that flight to Sin City reads like every LinkedIn request you regret accepting: Jeanie Buss, future controlling owner Mark Walter, guard Gabe Vincent, forward Rui Hachimura, Jarred Vanderbilt, Jaxson Hayes and rookie Adou Thiero. They all piled in to trade contract clauses for Backstreet Boys choruses, because nothing says team building like synchronized dance moves from the late 90s.
LeBron James, conspicuously absent in person, FaceTimed Doncic to offer congratulations, which is fitting since half of modern friendships seem to exist through a screen. If a video call with a basketball legend can’t erase the creeping dread of societal collapse, I’m not sure what will.
Putting pen to paper on a deal of this magnitude locks in Doncic through 2030, a move that makes sense in isolation but feels like a microcosm of wider madness: pay a single athlete more than some entire franchises earn in a season, then send them to cheer with boy band survivors from three decades ago.
This extravaganza wouldn’t be complete without the glowing backdrop of Las Vegas, a city built on the promise of temporary escape. In a world where headlines trumpet climate disasters, geopolitical tensions and TikTok scandals, we still choose to celebrate multi-million-dollar contracts by near-deafening ourselves with “Quit Playing Games.”
If this isn’t proof the veneer of civilization is paper-thin, I don’t know what is. We’re handing out nine-figure deals like participation trophies while simultaneously longing for simpler times when a catchy chorus meant something more than a marketing hook.
Anyway, can’t wait to see how this gets worse.
Sources: Celebrity Storm and TMZ
Attribution: Creative Commons Licensed
