George Santos Denies Suicidal Intentions as Prison Deadline Looms
Spectacular. Former Rep. George Santos is busy quashing whispers of self-harm with all the subtlety of a sledgehammer. Look, I didn’t volunteer to babysit someone’s fragile ego, but here we are: Santos took to X on July 9 to declare he’s “not suicidal. I’m not depressed. I have no intentions of harming myself,” and he threw in a bonus promise about dodging any unwanted trysts behind bars. According to TMZ’s report and court documents, the embattled New York Republican—convicted on wire fraud and identity theft charges and slapped with an 87-month federal sentence (plus hefty restitution)—wants zero sympathy points from prison staff if they spin a sob story about his mental health.
He even brandished some statistics about the grim fate of gay men in lockup (federal Bureau of Prisons data, anyone?), insisting he won’t be another casualty. “If anything comes out to the contrary, that’s total BS,” Santos sniffed, demanding skeptics take it “with a grain of salt.” I told you so—trust a career fabricator to worry more about his narrative than actual rehabilitation.
Flashback to April, when Santos warned of an “international nightmare” if he ends up brutalized behind bars. He even let slip to ex-Congressman Matt Gaetz that he’d rather endure solitary confinement than face the general population. Charming. If you’re wondering how he sees “solitary”—as a cushy spa retreat, I suppose—federal sentencing transcripts have the details. According to TMZ and multiple court filings, Santos expects the system to treat him with kid gloves, despite a record that includes seven-plus years in the slammer.
Naturally, this has set off a social-media feeding frenzy. Nearly 200,000 followers on X have been dissecting every syllable—some rallying behind him, others gleefully awaiting his fall. Meanwhile, prison officials remain mum on any special accommodations. Standard procedure dictates zero favors, and prison-watch groups like the Prison Policy Initiative have flagged solitary as a human-rights concern, not a luxury upgrade.
At the end of the day, Santos’ latest proclamation is less about mental health and more about controlling the narrative. He’s sold you on victimhood, and now he’s selling you on stoicism. I told you so. Did anyone expect a different outcome? No? Thought so. And that, dear reader, is why we can’t have nice things.
Sources: Celebrity Storm and TMZ.com, Federal court documents
Attribution: Creative Commons Licensed
