Bezos Brings Back Royal Wedding Singer for $50M Bash With Lauren Sánchez

Look, I don’t want to be the one to point out how predictable this is, but yes—Jeff Bezos and Lauren Sánchez just outdid themselves again. After dropping a cool $50 million on their big day in Beverly Hills, they somehow managed to hire the exact same singer who serenaded Kate Middleton and Prince William at their 2011 royal wedding reception. According to People and HELLO! magazine, English pop star Ellie Goulding—already infamous for her dreamy take on “Your Song” at the Royal Variety Performance—was tapped for both ceremonies. I told you so: when you’ve got billions to burn, you recycle the most Instagrammable talent.

Here’s the play-by-play you probably didn’t need, but you’re here anyway. The Bezos–Sánchez affair unfolded under a tented estate, complete with white carpet runways, a fireworks spectacular choreographed to Hans Zimmer (naturally), and centerpieces so elaborate they doubled as sculpture installations. Then came the showstopper: Goulding, in a sparkling gown, belting out “Lights” and “How Long Will I Love You”—the latter a direct nod to that fabled moment at Buckingham Palace. It’s almost quaint when you realize Prince William danced to the same lyrics. According to Page Six, Goulding earned a seven-figure fee this time around—practically pocket change for Bezos, but still a paycheck most of us would kill for.

Before you gasp and clutch your pearls, remember that extravagance is the oil in the machine of billionaire weddings. But don’t get me started on how everyone applauds these déjà-vu choices. Did we really need the same vocalist who has been on every A-list invite since 2011? Apparently so. And if that wasn’t enough, insiders told People that Bezos personally oversaw the soundcheck to ensure every high note hit perfectly. Because when you own Amazon, you can demand flawless acoustics at your nuptials.

Let’s break it down for clarity—though I’m clearly doing you a favor. A royal-standard singer for a West Coast blowout. A half-billion-dollar venue upgrade. Fireworks that could be seen from orbit. And the obligatory guest list of Hollywood’s finest, all sipping Cristal. Sound familiar? It should. It’s the blueprint for luxury weddings everywhere, just with a Bezos-sized price tag.

And now, as the final chord fades and the partygoers stumble into their luxury limousines, we’re left to ponder: will the next billionaire bash hire the same guy who popped up at Elton John’s Garden Party? Something tells me we haven’t heard the last recycled headliner. And that, dear reader, is why we can’t have nice things.

Sources: Celebrity Storm and People, HELLO! magazine, Page Six
Attribution: Creative Commons Licensed