Behind Bars Buffet: Ippei Mizuhara’s Prison Menu Exposed
Can’t contain my excitement for this culinary journey locked behind bars: Ippei Mizuhara’s prison menu reveals all the gourmet thrills awaiting Shohei Ohtani’s ex-interpreter. According to a Federal Bureau of Prisons spokesperson speaking with TMZ Sports, FCI Allenwood Low in Pennsylvania follows the standardized National Menu plan—so say goodbye to Cracker Jacks and peanuts, and hello to government-approved staples served three times daily.
Mornings kick off with the usual suspects: fruit cups, oatmeal, grits, cold cereal, pancakes and toast. Nothing screams “culinary adventure” quite like institutional grits, yet it allegedly meets the USDA’s laughably low bar for breakfast variety. Lunch rotates wraps filled with mystery protein, sandwiches that double as paperweights, burgers masquerading as fast food, battered fish filets and even tacos—because someone in the kitchen thought spice might distract from the cardboard mouthfeel.
Dinner is where the prison brass try to impress: occasional steak nights (courtesy of the National Menu’s rare upgrade), sausage links that “resemble” their namesake, reheated fried rice with veggies you’ll question, classic pasta tossed in a sauce no chef would claim, roast beef worthy of a shrug, and hot dogs slipped in when budgets allow. The Bureau’s four-week cycle mandates minimum calories, vegetable servings and optional vegetarian swaps—though tofu enthusiasts shouldn’t hold their breath.
Mizuhara, 40, earned this three-meals-a-day privilege after a February conviction that landed him 57 months behind bars for allegedly skimming millions from Ohtani to bankroll illegal bets. Court filings corroborate his role as Dodgers’ interpreter turned accused bookmaker’s accomplice. Adding insult to bureaucratic injury, he’ll still catch MLB games on multiple prison TVs tuned to sports networks—just without the luxury of a dugout seat or a Dodger Dog in hand.
Underpinning this menu is the National Menu framework: a cost-efficiency marvel designed to hit calorie targets and portion guidelines while keeping commissary budgets in check. Critics note it’s less about flavor and more about ticking regulatory boxes. Mizuhara’s daily grind will be equal parts carbs, protein and a sprinkle of institutional lettuce—enough fuel for mandatory yard time and zero garnish.
So there you have it—an exclusive peek at the five-star dining you didn’t realize you’d crave, courtesy of federal regulations and a bad bet. Nothing shocking here, folks. Let’s all act surprised. And that’s today’s dose of reality. You’re welcome.
Sources: Celebrity Storm and TMZ Sports; Federal Bureau of Prisons statement; Court documents, February 2025
Attribution: Creative Commons Licensed
