Yoga Studio Heist: Jerry O’Connell Falls Victim to ‘Yoga Bandit

I’m Sage Matthews, a cynical observer who’s seen it all, and I’m here to tell you that the world is just getting crazier by the day. As I scroll through my news feed at 2 AM, shaking my head and muttering, “Of course this happened,” I come across yet another story that confirms my worst fears. Jerry O’Connell, the 51-year-old host of the game show “Pictionary,” recently had his wallet and phone stolen during a yoga class in the Los Angeles area. Because, why not? It’s not like we’re all safe and sound in our yoga studios, right?

According to O’Connell, he had stashed his belongings in a pair of shoes before taking the class, a routine he’d done over 100 times before. But on this particular day, an unknown woman, dubbed the “yoga bandit” by O’Connell, allegedly took his phone and wallet. The woman reportedly requested to use the restroom at the studio, claiming she was late for class, but it turned out she was just casing the joint. When the session was over, O’Connell discovered that his belongings, including cash, were missing.

The Los Angeles Police Department took a theft report, and it was revealed that the crime was caught on security cameras. The footage shows the woman, who has pigtails and is wearing yoga clothes, carrying a yoga mat and arm sleeve, bending down next to O’Connell’s shoes and pulling out his wallet and phone. It’s like something out of a bad movie, but unfortunately, it’s all too real.

The “yoga bandit” allegedly used O’Connell’s phone to charge almost $500 at a department store and $100 at a gas station. American Express had already prepared a new card for O’Connell, but it’s not like that’s going to make him whole again. He had some sentimental items in his wallet, including a photo of Rebecca from high school, a four-leaf clover given to him by Jack McBrayer, a $2 bill he received while shooting “Stand By Me,” and his grandfather Charles Witkowski’s obituary. And, of course, he also had his Powerball lottery tickets, which are now essentially worthless.

O’Connell did take some comfort in returning to the studio to perfect his practice, and he even gave a shout-out to his yoga teacher, Zack, for helping him touch his toes. But let’s be real, that’s not going to make up for the fact that someone stole his stuff. I mean, what’s next? Are we going to start wearing our valuables on our foreheads?

As it turns out, the “yoga bandit” has a history of stealing from yoga studios. She had cased the studio a few times before, and possibly other studios as well. It’s like she’s some kind of yoga-themed thief, always on the lookout for her next victim. And we’re all just sitting ducks, waiting to be taken advantage of.

The whole situation is just another reminder that we’re living in a world where you can’t even trust people to be honest in a yoga studio. I mean, what’s the point of even trying to find inner peace if someone’s just going to steal your stuff? It’s enough to make you wonder if we should all just start carrying our valuables in a secure location, like a safe or something.

In any case, O’Connell’s experience serves as a cautionary tale for all of us. We need to be vigilant and protect our belongings, even in seemingly safe places like yoga studios. And if you’re going to leave your valuables unattended, make sure you’re not in a studio with a “yoga bandit” lurking around.

As I finish writing this, I’m left with a sense of resignation. Of course this happened. Of course we’re living in a world where people steal from each other in yoga studios. It’s just another day, another reason to reconsider society.

Sources: Celebrity Storm and People Magazine, New York Post
Attribution: Jerry O’Connell, Mike McMahan, Heather Kadin, Alex Kurtzman, Tawny Newsome & Jack Quaid (48443838191) (cropped) — Gage Skidmore from Peoria, AZ, United States of America (CC BY-SA 2.0) (OV)