Colbert Blasts Vance’s Vatican Dating Hacks
Heads up: Stephen Colbert just dunked on JD Vance’s Vatican dating advice like it was last season’s meme. On Thursday’s Late Show monologue, Colbert ripped into the freshman VP—er, Senator—in a segment that had viewers clutching their remotes. The spark? Vance’s jaw-dropping reveal that he and Pope Leo XIV chatted about “basic dating behavior among young people” during his private Vatican visit this week. Cue Colbert’s raised eyebrow and the immortal line: “Dude, know your audience! The guy is celibate! Good lord!”
The whole bit was set up with a clip from Vance’s podcast appearance alongside The New York Times columnist Ross Douthat. Vance lamented that “dating apps are probably more destructive than we fully appreciate,” before offering his two cents on how technology has “made it harder for young men and young women to communicate.” Colbert didn’t just let that slide—he spun on his heel and quipped that Vance’s online-love expertise might be “about as valuable as the last dating app he was on, Raymour & Flanigan,” referencing last year’s viral couch gag (source: The Late Show, HuffPost).
As Vance pressed on about how “technology” has wrecked modern courtship, Colbert took a nostalgic detour to ancient pickup artistry. With perfect comedic timing, he pretended to drop a medieval-style icebreaker: “‘Nice to meet you. I just gave your father my finest goat. Let us go make children.’” That playful roast nailed the absurdity of Vance offering dating lessons to a celibate pontiff and had the studio audience in stitches.
This isn’t the first time Colbert has gone in on Vance’s cultural hot takes. From snooty couch jokes to unsolicited morals on faith and family, the comedian thrives on roasting political figures who overestimate their street cred. And while Vance insists his perspective on young love is grounded in concern, Colbert’s mockery highlights the gap between polished political rhetoric and actual experience—especially in matters of the heart.
Anyway, that’s the deal. Do with it what you will. If this clip goes viral, don’t blame me for your newfound skepticism toward any senator dispensing swipe-right wisdom at the Vatican.
Sources: Celebrity Storm and The Late Show with Stephen Colbert, The New York Times podcast with Ross Douthat, HuffPost
Attribution: Creative Commons Licensed
