Heidi Montag’s Post-Fire Fitness Routine: The Workout She Still Can’t Do
Brace yourself for the thrilling chronicle of Heidi Montag juggling kettlebells, spilled smoothies, and two toddlers who believe her yoga mat is a trampoline. As a reality-TV alum turned full-time mom, Montag has mastered the art of “functional fitness”—which apparently means lunging to pick up crayons and performing squats while wrestling a toddler into a car seat. According to People Magazine, she’s carved out 30-minute HIIT sessions three times a week, usually before dawn, so she can vacillate between Instagram stories and existential dread by sunrise.
Her go-to arsenal includes resistance bands (because lugging dumbbells through a daycare drop-off line is frowned upon) and a battered set of ankle weights she affectionately calls “the Tiny Torturers.” But here’s the twist: the Pilates Reformer class she once swore by—the one that sculpted her abs into something vaguely resembling a washboard—has been MIA since the California wildfires shuttered her favorite studio last season. Us Weekly confirms she tried to recreate the moves at home, but neighbors reported odd groaning noises and occasional shuffle-dance attempts as she fumbled with the contraption’s straps.
In lieu of reformer sessions, Montag has been experimenting with Peloton rides and virtual barre classes. She swears by a Monday morning spin for “mental clarity,” though an insider tells E! News that the only mental clarity achieved was remembering she left her coffee on the treadmill. She’s also taken to sneaking in calf raises during laundry folding—because what else screams “mom life” louder than whisper-yelling “calf raise!” into your Echo Dot at 2 AM?
To fuel her micro-workouts, Montag leans heavily on a flexitarian diet. Per People, she’s equally likely to devour spiraled zucchini noodles as she is a leftover cheeseburger—I mean, balance is key, right? She credits the occasional cheat meal for preserving her sanity, which, frankly, sounds like a healthy trade-off.
Yet even with her comedic approach to fitness, Montag admits on her podcast that she misses the communal energy of an in-studio Pilates class. “I miss pretending I’m not on the brink of collapse while someone yells ‘five more!’” she confessed. With the local studios still recovering from fire damage, her return date remains as uncertain as the next celebrity marriage.
Tune in next time when we investigate whether Heidi will finally buy that backyard reformer or resort to teaching her kids resistance-band Pilates. Until then, keep your dumbbells close and your sarcasm closer.
Sources: Celebrity Storm and People Magazine, Us Weekly
Attribution: Creative Commons Licensed
